Those Who Wait Upon the Lord

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

One of my favorite songs says this: "They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, they will rise up on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Teach me Lord, teach me Lord to wait."

You know what? I hate waiting. I hate it passionately. Maybe because I am a product of my generation's microwave mentality. I want what I want and I want it NOW! Eeek! God please rescue us from this cultural mentality.

When I consider the benefits of waiting, I wonder how I could ever not just be content to wait, but to actually WANT to wait.

Delaying our gratification for what we think we want is one of the most healthiest and greatest acts of self-control that we can regularly practice. Remember when you were a kid and really wanted something? You wanted something so bad you couldn't stand it? I remember wanting a trampoline for the longest time. I thought that when I acquired my trampoline that life would be "Ahh..." so complete. Then I got my trampoline. It was great. It was fun. But it didn't fill me like I thought it would. Anyways, random tangent.

So God is teaching me more about waiting in this period of my life than I've ever struggled with before. But it is soooo sweet. Because I see Him not only calling me to wait on Him, but ultimately, my refusal to wait, my anxiety over not getting the thing I think I want, is more clearly about a lack of trust. I don't trust that God really has my best in mind and that He wants to give me good things. And I know that sometimes we can ask for something so much that God just might give it to us, even if it's not what He wants us to have.

So I take a step back. Change my prayers from "God please give me_____" (I'm sure you could fill in your own blank) to "God please only give me that which You desire me to have."

In my whole realization that I can't project my expectations for others onto others, I also need to be daily submitted to the sovereignty of God, and allow Him to be God in my life, not just in the lives of others. As much as I like to be in control, I know deep down inside that I would rather have that which He has planned for me. He promises us that it will be beyond our wildest imaginations! (and my imagination can run pretty wild!!)

This verse comes to mind: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

Oh goodness, if you and I could really believe that, take it in, write it on our hearts, let it transform our thinking and behaviours. Maybe then we too can enjoy the wait, embrace and welcome it, even ask for it.

Sweet Surrender

"Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in these evil days. Don't act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do." Ephesians 5:16-17

So recently I've been learning a lot about who I am and who God is. For once in my life I understand truly what undeserved grace means. For once in my life I truly grasp that I can neither work my way into heaven nor can I work my way into God's grace and love. I really have nothing to offer except my broken self.

Not only has this changed how I view my relationship with God, but it's also changed how I view my relationships with other people. I realize that in making myself the ruler over my own life (instead of allowing God to be the King of my heart), I also had lofty ideals of how everyone else should be. How they should behave, look, talk, walk, dress, etc. My judgement was harsh. I, like the pharisees, was the whitewashed empty tomb; blind to my own emptiness yet hiding behind my attitude of religiousity and self-righteousness. How wrong I was. To you out there who have been stung by me at any time, please accept my humble apology and I ask for your forgiveness. I am no better. I am broken. We all need the grace of God to rise above what we have become.

I've been trying to memorize Romans. A lofty goal, I know. But there's no rush, I'm doing a little bit at a time because I want the Word of God to be inside my heart so that He might change me, from the inside out. What I find interesting about even the first chapter (where many may focus solely on God's opinion of homosexuality) is that the people fell, not because they were homosexual, but they were given over to their evil desires because they did not honor God as God. They did not glorify Him nor thank Him, but they worshipped images of man and other animals. The biggest dishonor the people did was to not recognize God for who He is. That's why God gave them over to their evil desires.

As I recognize the seriousness of not acknowledging God for who He is and giving Him due honor, I am humbled again and find myself looking over my whole life and realizing how much time I wasted serving myself and my own messed up sense of righteousness and holiness.

So how does this change how I relate to other people?

Well, thanks to God doing His redeeming work in me, I now understand that my ideals, standards, goals, expectations for the lives of others need to be thrown out. Shredded. Burned. Tossed in File 13. I am not God to other people, I am not the one who has a perfect plan for their life. I am not the one to prosper them, to give them a future and a hope. That's God. All God. My role? The job of every Christian? Be a witness of what God has done in our own life. Share the Gospel. Pray. Pray that God's will be done on earth as it is in heaven. That God's will for His people will be done. It's HIS will. Not mine. This has huge ramifications for me as I consider possibly getting married one day, raising children. It's not my job to change them. Discipline my children as God leads, yes. Love my husband and pray that God will finish the good work He's started in him, yes. Nag my husband, expect my children to turn out as I would want them to be, no.

It's very freeing to finally realize that the weight of changing the world, saving the world, is not on my shoulders. It was never meant to be. That's why God is God. And I am not.