When Passion Dies
What does one do when passion dies? I'm not talking of romantic love or emotion for emotion's sake. I'm talking about an interior appreciation for beauty and life that runs deeper than emotion. What does one do when the heart seems dead. It only beats to keep the physical body alive, but without the beating heart of the soul, does it matter that the physical body is alive?
Where does love of love originate? How can we sustain imperfect love, human love, by our own devices? Do we even know how to love, truly, madly, deeply, as the song goes.
When life has no color, no vibe, no brilliance, does one label that depression? Do we fix it with chemicals?
When the soul is in anguish, and the heart has been twisted and torked beyond recognition, from where does new life appear? Is this sacrifice? Is this brokenness? Am I cleansed yet? Is my faith genuine?
When I've gone to depths that are deeper than the deepest of deeps, will I find my salvation? Will I rise on the wings of glory? Will I find purpose for the pain?
Does the flower that is crushed perceive the beauty and fragrance that is evidence of its demise? Does it recognize and appreciate what it gave and refuse to think about what it lost?
And yet, I'm forced to turn again and again towards the One who has crushed me. Because, even though He has broken and stripped me and torn from me all that was me, all that was not Him, as I asked and as He willed, I have no other place to turn. There is no other one I would choose, no other lover that would satisfy. I am in desperate need of Him and broken dejection by Him in the same breath. How can this be?
I did not know that the roots of my flesh went so deep that for healing to come all of me would be utterly torn apart, rent in two.
This verse takes on a whole new meaning to me: "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account." Hebrews 4:12-13
Jesus is the word. I am being divided. I'm being found wanting. I am being judged. I am left in desperation for Him who sees all.
"Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him" Job 13:15a
Where does love of love originate? How can we sustain imperfect love, human love, by our own devices? Do we even know how to love, truly, madly, deeply, as the song goes.
When life has no color, no vibe, no brilliance, does one label that depression? Do we fix it with chemicals?
When the soul is in anguish, and the heart has been twisted and torked beyond recognition, from where does new life appear? Is this sacrifice? Is this brokenness? Am I cleansed yet? Is my faith genuine?
When I've gone to depths that are deeper than the deepest of deeps, will I find my salvation? Will I rise on the wings of glory? Will I find purpose for the pain?
Does the flower that is crushed perceive the beauty and fragrance that is evidence of its demise? Does it recognize and appreciate what it gave and refuse to think about what it lost?
And yet, I'm forced to turn again and again towards the One who has crushed me. Because, even though He has broken and stripped me and torn from me all that was me, all that was not Him, as I asked and as He willed, I have no other place to turn. There is no other one I would choose, no other lover that would satisfy. I am in desperate need of Him and broken dejection by Him in the same breath. How can this be?
I did not know that the roots of my flesh went so deep that for healing to come all of me would be utterly torn apart, rent in two.
This verse takes on a whole new meaning to me: "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account." Hebrews 4:12-13
Jesus is the word. I am being divided. I'm being found wanting. I am being judged. I am left in desperation for Him who sees all.
"Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him" Job 13:15a
posted by Karen | 11:43 AM
1 Comments:
perhaps when passion dies, we then employ the disciplines of: taking every thought captive, fasting in some sort of way, praying outloud (i like to sit jesus in a chair in front of me), and changing our feet. and most importantly: WAITING EXPECTANTLY (Is.40)
see the sins of omission:
http://www.fehq.org/repent.htm
and check out celebration of discipline (which i'm sure you've either read or heard of).
all these things i need to do on a regular basis. He is worth bending towards.
i love you.
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