Victory indeed
I've been keeping a prayer journal recently. I want to not only get back into the habit of journaling prayers and thoughts, but I want to have a tangible record of when and how God has proved Himself faithful by answering my prayers. I also want to encourage myself in the days to come to look back and see how God has been faithful. I think that we need constant reminding to look at the ways God has been faithful to us. It's far too easy to forget His faithfulness in the midst of a crisis or struggle. So, if I keep a record, not only do I have proof in black and white that God is faithful, it's even more personal because I can see how God has been faithful to ME! For some reason, this is very necessary for my life.
Anyways, so in His usual fashion, God has been answering prayers. The prayers have gone something like this: "God please show me the areas of sin in my life that keep me from having a close relationship with you." Sounds great right? Of course it is! That is, before God actually answers the prayer and shows you your sin. I've found that it's always easiest to pray sincerely in a moment of clarity that God will do whatever it takes to draw me closer to Him. And I say the prayer and walk away feeling like the action of saying the prayer is bringing me one step closer to "getting it."
And then I'll wake up one morning, like yesterday, and feel the weight of my sin revealed to me hit me like a ton of bricks. Yes, praise God, He is faithful. He did answer. Bit by bit, He's been showing me the thoughts and attitudes of my heart that need to be changed. I've been reading Revolution of Character by Dallas Willard, and he talks about the grace of God in not letting us see the full picture of the utter mess that we are. If we did see the whole of our sinfulness all at once, our hearts would surely grow cold.
My reaction: At first, I wanted to fall back into that old habit of what Willard calls self-rejection. Self sees sin, self feels remorse and guilt, self beats self up and falls into despair. I realized that this process is not the road to forgiveness and redepmtion and freedom. It is human nature to reject ourselves. But this is not love!
I used to think and believe that in order for repentance to be sincere, one must put on that sackloth and ash and sit in the dust for days or weeks or even months! I found it hard to believe that God could just forgive me *snap* "like that" and that He would choose to remember my sin no more the very moment I confess it.
This seems like such a basic, elementary part of Christianity. But, in my 20 years of being a Christian, I never got this. I still don't completely "get it" right now. But maybe this part of freedom is not assumed to be so clear in the first moment the salvation choice was made. I'm choosing to have grace for myself in this moment and not look back to the past and try to figure out where I went wrong or when I chose to believe something that wasn't God's truth.
Anyways, moving forward. So the new reaction to recognized sin is straightaway confession and repentance to God. Lay it down at the Cross and forget about it. Because God has. Yes, I still bear in my physical body the consequences of my choices and my sin. And sometimes it's not as easy to perceive the consequences of sin that is a wrong attitude or a wrong belief (maybe it's evidenced in strained or broken relationships with others?). Regardless, there should be freedom. There should be relief in our conscience that our sin is forgiven. I know that some sin requires we make restitution, and those actions still must be taken to make things right. But we should not accuse or condemn ourselves over our sin.
And I thought of this verse in a whole new way: (NIV)
John 3:19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
The context of this verse talks about loving not just through words but through action and truth. But I also thought of this verse because it says to me that we can expect our hearts to condemn us. As thought it is a regular occurrence to be aware of as it says "whenever our hearts condemn us." And the part that spoke most fervently to me is that God is greater than our hearts. He knows our motivation. He knows what's going on in our hearts. And He is there to give grace and mercy when we are unable to extend those to ourselves. This is victory indeed.
Anyways, so in His usual fashion, God has been answering prayers. The prayers have gone something like this: "God please show me the areas of sin in my life that keep me from having a close relationship with you." Sounds great right? Of course it is! That is, before God actually answers the prayer and shows you your sin. I've found that it's always easiest to pray sincerely in a moment of clarity that God will do whatever it takes to draw me closer to Him. And I say the prayer and walk away feeling like the action of saying the prayer is bringing me one step closer to "getting it."
And then I'll wake up one morning, like yesterday, and feel the weight of my sin revealed to me hit me like a ton of bricks. Yes, praise God, He is faithful. He did answer. Bit by bit, He's been showing me the thoughts and attitudes of my heart that need to be changed. I've been reading Revolution of Character by Dallas Willard, and he talks about the grace of God in not letting us see the full picture of the utter mess that we are. If we did see the whole of our sinfulness all at once, our hearts would surely grow cold.
My reaction: At first, I wanted to fall back into that old habit of what Willard calls self-rejection. Self sees sin, self feels remorse and guilt, self beats self up and falls into despair. I realized that this process is not the road to forgiveness and redepmtion and freedom. It is human nature to reject ourselves. But this is not love!
I used to think and believe that in order for repentance to be sincere, one must put on that sackloth and ash and sit in the dust for days or weeks or even months! I found it hard to believe that God could just forgive me *snap* "like that" and that He would choose to remember my sin no more the very moment I confess it.
This seems like such a basic, elementary part of Christianity. But, in my 20 years of being a Christian, I never got this. I still don't completely "get it" right now. But maybe this part of freedom is not assumed to be so clear in the first moment the salvation choice was made. I'm choosing to have grace for myself in this moment and not look back to the past and try to figure out where I went wrong or when I chose to believe something that wasn't God's truth.
Anyways, moving forward. So the new reaction to recognized sin is straightaway confession and repentance to God. Lay it down at the Cross and forget about it. Because God has. Yes, I still bear in my physical body the consequences of my choices and my sin. And sometimes it's not as easy to perceive the consequences of sin that is a wrong attitude or a wrong belief (maybe it's evidenced in strained or broken relationships with others?). Regardless, there should be freedom. There should be relief in our conscience that our sin is forgiven. I know that some sin requires we make restitution, and those actions still must be taken to make things right. But we should not accuse or condemn ourselves over our sin.
And I thought of this verse in a whole new way: (NIV)
John 3:19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
The context of this verse talks about loving not just through words but through action and truth. But I also thought of this verse because it says to me that we can expect our hearts to condemn us. As thought it is a regular occurrence to be aware of as it says "whenever our hearts condemn us." And the part that spoke most fervently to me is that God is greater than our hearts. He knows our motivation. He knows what's going on in our hearts. And He is there to give grace and mercy when we are unable to extend those to ourselves. This is victory indeed.
posted by Karen | 7:12 AM
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