Sweet Surrender
"Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in these evil days. Don't act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do." Ephesians 5:16-17
So recently I've been learning a lot about who I am and who God is. For once in my life I understand truly what undeserved grace means. For once in my life I truly grasp that I can neither work my way into heaven nor can I work my way into God's grace and love. I really have nothing to offer except my broken self.
Not only has this changed how I view my relationship with God, but it's also changed how I view my relationships with other people. I realize that in making myself the ruler over my own life (instead of allowing God to be the King of my heart), I also had lofty ideals of how everyone else should be. How they should behave, look, talk, walk, dress, etc. My judgement was harsh. I, like the pharisees, was the whitewashed empty tomb; blind to my own emptiness yet hiding behind my attitude of religiousity and self-righteousness. How wrong I was. To you out there who have been stung by me at any time, please accept my humble apology and I ask for your forgiveness. I am no better. I am broken. We all need the grace of God to rise above what we have become.
I've been trying to memorize Romans. A lofty goal, I know. But there's no rush, I'm doing a little bit at a time because I want the Word of God to be inside my heart so that He might change me, from the inside out. What I find interesting about even the first chapter (where many may focus solely on God's opinion of homosexuality) is that the people fell, not because they were homosexual, but they were given over to their evil desires because they did not honor God as God. They did not glorify Him nor thank Him, but they worshipped images of man and other animals. The biggest dishonor the people did was to not recognize God for who He is. That's why God gave them over to their evil desires.
As I recognize the seriousness of not acknowledging God for who He is and giving Him due honor, I am humbled again and find myself looking over my whole life and realizing how much time I wasted serving myself and my own messed up sense of righteousness and holiness.
So how does this change how I relate to other people?
Well, thanks to God doing His redeeming work in me, I now understand that my ideals, standards, goals, expectations for the lives of others need to be thrown out. Shredded. Burned. Tossed in File 13. I am not God to other people, I am not the one who has a perfect plan for their life. I am not the one to prosper them, to give them a future and a hope. That's God. All God. My role? The job of every Christian? Be a witness of what God has done in our own life. Share the Gospel. Pray. Pray that God's will be done on earth as it is in heaven. That God's will for His people will be done. It's HIS will. Not mine. This has huge ramifications for me as I consider possibly getting married one day, raising children. It's not my job to change them. Discipline my children as God leads, yes. Love my husband and pray that God will finish the good work He's started in him, yes. Nag my husband, expect my children to turn out as I would want them to be, no.
It's very freeing to finally realize that the weight of changing the world, saving the world, is not on my shoulders. It was never meant to be. That's why God is God. And I am not.
So recently I've been learning a lot about who I am and who God is. For once in my life I understand truly what undeserved grace means. For once in my life I truly grasp that I can neither work my way into heaven nor can I work my way into God's grace and love. I really have nothing to offer except my broken self.
Not only has this changed how I view my relationship with God, but it's also changed how I view my relationships with other people. I realize that in making myself the ruler over my own life (instead of allowing God to be the King of my heart), I also had lofty ideals of how everyone else should be. How they should behave, look, talk, walk, dress, etc. My judgement was harsh. I, like the pharisees, was the whitewashed empty tomb; blind to my own emptiness yet hiding behind my attitude of religiousity and self-righteousness. How wrong I was. To you out there who have been stung by me at any time, please accept my humble apology and I ask for your forgiveness. I am no better. I am broken. We all need the grace of God to rise above what we have become.
I've been trying to memorize Romans. A lofty goal, I know. But there's no rush, I'm doing a little bit at a time because I want the Word of God to be inside my heart so that He might change me, from the inside out. What I find interesting about even the first chapter (where many may focus solely on God's opinion of homosexuality) is that the people fell, not because they were homosexual, but they were given over to their evil desires because they did not honor God as God. They did not glorify Him nor thank Him, but they worshipped images of man and other animals. The biggest dishonor the people did was to not recognize God for who He is. That's why God gave them over to their evil desires.
As I recognize the seriousness of not acknowledging God for who He is and giving Him due honor, I am humbled again and find myself looking over my whole life and realizing how much time I wasted serving myself and my own messed up sense of righteousness and holiness.
So how does this change how I relate to other people?
Well, thanks to God doing His redeeming work in me, I now understand that my ideals, standards, goals, expectations for the lives of others need to be thrown out. Shredded. Burned. Tossed in File 13. I am not God to other people, I am not the one who has a perfect plan for their life. I am not the one to prosper them, to give them a future and a hope. That's God. All God. My role? The job of every Christian? Be a witness of what God has done in our own life. Share the Gospel. Pray. Pray that God's will be done on earth as it is in heaven. That God's will for His people will be done. It's HIS will. Not mine. This has huge ramifications for me as I consider possibly getting married one day, raising children. It's not my job to change them. Discipline my children as God leads, yes. Love my husband and pray that God will finish the good work He's started in him, yes. Nag my husband, expect my children to turn out as I would want them to be, no.
It's very freeing to finally realize that the weight of changing the world, saving the world, is not on my shoulders. It was never meant to be. That's why God is God. And I am not.
posted by Karen | 7:24 AM
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