The return to innocence...

So I pretty much wanted to stand up and cheer when one of the lead singers of Casting Crowns shared with the audience that he was struggling with his walk with God. This was the first time I ever saw Casting Crowns in concert. But, I was pleasantly suprised. In a true to Rebecca St. James fashion, the theme of the night was worship. Turning the eyes and hands and praise of the audience back to God, not to the artists or the musicians. Can I just say that I loved that they prayed between almost every 2 or 3 songs?

So anyways, I've been reading a lot of blogs by a guy who has given up on his faith. It's interesting, it's sad in ways, can I just say I relate to him on so many levels?

I've often wondered and doubted and questioned and thought, is this all just a bunch of bologna? And then I think about the words to the song Captivate Us by Watermark. It simply says:

Captivate Us
Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You

And ever increasingly more I find myself really just wanting to go back to the basics. I want to go back to just existing on, acting in, and thriving off of the song Jesus Loves Me. Because when I cast aside the doubts, the questions, the denominational and theological debates and differences between myself and the Bible and thousands of individuals out there. Really all that remains is...is there a God...and does He really love me?

That's all I want to know. That's all I want to believe and grasp. How it all works, the working out of one's faith, yeah that's important, and maybe someday I'll be in the throes of trying to figure it all out again..

But for right now, I just want to know if God loves me. I want to know and believe and breathe it in for myself so that I can communicate that to others. I want there to be an absolute truth. I want there to be a God who is bigger than myself, and who loves more deeply than I can love. Because the questions, the why, the pain, the suffering, the injustice...it's still going to exist whether I believe or do not believe that there is a God and that He loves me.

But if I can grasp that with every fiber of my being...the questions don't matter so much any more. Even if I am the one who suffers. Even if I am the one who is in pain. Because real love does not change suffering or pain, it changes the thoughts and attitudes of the heart that is going through that pain or suffering.

So what is love...what is truth. The Bible says that Jesus is the way the truth and the life...I'll be honest, Jesus feels removed...or I feel removed from Him...whomever He is...but I want to believe...I want to grasp...I want to know Jesus, to be loved and wanted and pursued by Him...