The beginning

So I wonder if we really believe God? Just tonight I thought, what if there isn't a God? And then I prayed that God would help my unbelief. Sometimes it's scary to admit that there is the Other that is a bit mysterious, a lot uncontrollable, and Someone who is too amazing for words when I actually think about Him.

I take comfort in the fact that what I believe about God, or if I choose to believe at all, does not change the fact that He is. He is not changed by my doubts or my assumptions about Him. My theology doesn't change Him, nor does my theology or the differing theologies of my friends change who He is...are we all just grasping at straws?

How, just really how, do our lives change if we claim to know Him, to follow Him? Do we reflect Him? Are our faces really glowing with His glory? As Beth Moore says, "Do we make people hungry for God?" This question has challenged me for days. It's easier for me to drown in my quasi-depressed sadness and make the world think that life must royally suck for me. It doesn't. My life is fine. Would my life be fine if I were suffering? Would that make me happier? Undoubtedly, no. But I continue to feel like I am owed something that I must not think I do not receive. Otherwise, joy unspeakable would occur....wouldn't it?

What is holiness? What does it look like when you try it on? Is it solving the problems of poverty, hunger, world peace? When will we realise that world peace, world glorified, will not occur while the world is still cursed. Yes, I gladly want to share a cool glass of water and a warm sweater, but the point, ah, we can't miss the point behind the shared physical needs. The soul. The heart. The life coming alive. The most eternal part of the human. The body won't live forever, no one's does. So why do we hold back the most precious gospel, the most precious jewel--God. Do we comprehend the depths of His love? We don't understand or appreciate sacrifice so we doubt it's power and validity.